TURTLE CREED
  Turtles are bright eyed, bushy tailed,
fearless and unafraid folk with a fighter pilot attitude. They
think clean, have fun a lot, and recognize the fact that you
never get any place worthwhile in life unless you stick your neck
out.
The "Turtles" are indeed an illustrious
group and include in their membership ranks some of the country's
foremost leaders in the fields of government, finance,
entertainment, aerospace and all other areas where aggressiveness, a
feeling for fair play, clean thoughts and a sense of humor are
keys to success.
Started by a group of test pilots during
the 2nd World War, the club has progressed to its present position as one
whose membership is diligently sought after and highly
esteemed by those lucky enough to be initiated. Adherence to the
creed and always giving the password when asked are the only
responsibilities placed on our membership. You will find that life
is more fun and takes on new meaning when you are a "Turtle".
LEGEND OF THE TURTLE:
Once
upon a time, many years ago there was a man who was of good and
noble character; without a trace of impurity in his thoughts.
Unfortunately all about him he saw persons with vulgar minds unable
to think of anything, except in sexual terms. He bemoaned his
inability to find others with a similar highmindness, to his own.
Like a turtle, he retreated into his shell. Then one day, while
partaking of a pint of ale (for purely medicinal purposes of
course), he realized that there must be others like him. Forced into
bars, and saloons; imbibing alcohol as a balm for the ills inflicted
by obscene and vulgar persons.
He resolved to locate all the other pure minded individuals that
he could, even if this meant spending his every waking hour crawling
from one bar to the next. This was the beginning of the Turtles. He
embarked upon this quest with vigor and determination, but, since he
was a man of limited means, quickly ran out of money.
Then one day, he got a tip on a horse running at long odds at the
local track. The problem was that he had no money left with which to
gamble. So, in desperation he wagered his last and most prized
possession a donkey which he had raised from birth. Now this
donkey was a particularly gentle and temperate animal, with a loving
disposition. To lose his donkey would have been devastating, and yet
what choice was there if the quest was to continue? Fortunately, he
won the wager, and with the money was able to continue in his search
for many more years, and begin the association of Turtles we know
today.
And so, to commemorate this event, all members of this esteemed
organization when asked, "Are You a Turtle?", must
respond immediately without hesitation or fear of embarrassment, in
a voice as loud and clear as the voice of the questioner:
"You bet your sweet ass, I am" Failure to do so at anytime,
will be penalized by having to buy a beer for everyone close enough
to have heard the original question.
Part of the Turtle Initiation:
I. We assume all prospective Turtles own a Jack
Ass. This assumption is the reason for the password. This
password must be given if you are ever asked by a fellow
member, "Are you A Turtle?" You MUST then reply, "with
the secret password." If you do not give the password in full
because of embarrassment or some other reason, you forfeit a
beverage of his choice. So always remember the password given
to you at your initiation!
II. To become an official Turtle you must first solve
the following riddles:
1. What is it that a man can do standing up, a women
sitting down, and a dog on three legs?
2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has
only two of?
3. What is a four-letter word ending in "K" that means the
same as intercourse?
4. What is it on a man that is round, hard and sticks
so far out of his pajamas you can hang a hat on it?
At
three minutes into my Mercury flight, when we were still in the
Atlas boost phase, Deke Slayton came on the radio with a question I
didn't quite expect. "Hey, Wally, are you a turtle?". Of
course I knew the answer, but we were on live radio, and I wasn't
ready for all the world to hear it. So I switched my mike to voice
record, uttered my reply, clicked back and said to Deke. "Rog".
After splashdown, several of us were in the admiral's quarters on
the recovery ship, Kearsarge. Walt Williams, in his
fast-chatter way of talking, demanded to know what my answer to Deke
had been. I flipped on the flight recorder and there it was: "Wally
are you a turtle?" "You bet your sweet ass I am."
After Gordon Cooper's flight in May 1963, we were all in the White
House. This time, it was JFK's turn, and I was the one he nailed.
"By the way, Wally, are you a turtle?" I had to think twice before
saying, "You bet your sweet ass.." to the president of the United
States.
Deke Slayton Gotcha
From Apollo 7
Did you ever want to be a Turtle? [YBYSAYD!]
Here's YOUR chance to become a member of the Fraternal Order
of the Turtle!
A select few will have the chance to become sworn in by the Imperial Potentate himself and become a card carrying member!
(so
what's a Turtle? Hmmm....click on the Turtle's Club Crest for more
information)
Well you've come to the right place, if your answer is:
Click
this spot for details!
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